Today I realized - AHA! style - that all of the work I’ve done on the story I’ve been writing (and have been writing, in tandem with another, for several years) is not really the story. What I’ve been doing is developing and discovering: pushing around the characters until they feel like themselves; developing the idea that started it all; discovering new characters and situations. This is not a story yet and I AM FINE WITH THAT. It's a relief to see it as a dot on a line instead of a disappointing terminal point.
The story is coming - I see edges of it - the more I write the closer it gets. I’ve written a lot of words; most of them won’t make it to the end and THAT IS OKAY. I’ve been beating myself up for not being the kind of person who can just whip out an outline and go to town boom boom boom beginning middle end, even though I know this is a dumb, destructive attitude. (My expectations were dumb - if you're a go to town boom boom boom beginning middle end kind of writer, more power to you!) In the immortal words of Ke$ha, We R Who We R. Everyone has to find their own way and sometimes it seems stupid or counterintuitive or not right, but that’s fine. Keep going!
