sharpie advice

from 2010


from last week

I sense the same hand at work, despite the varying message.  It's sort of a "two sides of the same coin" thing, don't you think? Or can you Chillax and Adventure Now at the same time? So many questions.

deep into summer

These are from Tuesday. I went walking the park, which is something I used to do all the time and for whatever reason quit doing. I've missed it! It was fun and helped becalm my BRAIN ANTS. I've had so many brain ants lately, I can't even tell you. Internal brain ant investigations are underway. It will be okay.



Typical Portland lawn by this point in the summer. I know it might look weird to people from other parts of the country, but our summers are usually dry and most don't water their lawn.  Every other season is WET, so we get plenty of green grass time. (exception: the neighbors water their front lawn, but they've got two little boys who run around all day long. There are sensible exceptions to brown grass predominance!)



I have probably taken 100 pictures of this tree. I still love it.

whipping around, briefly up briefly down

Tonight I did the smartest thing I've done in a week -- I took an actual pill designed for actual migraines to treat the headache that had spread to all muscles in my upper body. I'm still weirdly clenchy, but my headache's gone! Anyway. I got good news/ bad news about my job, which has lead to a bumpy 24 hours. More on that later -- I just got rid of the headache and don't want to push my luck.

and now, some pictures so this isn't quite so short:



Last year someone made my fall by leaving perfectly centered chestnuts on top of all the pillars surrounding the off-leash dog area of the park. They're back! it made me so happy to see these, I can't even tell you. In not making my fall news, someone broke off one of the crucial pieces of bark that I was using to support leaf-bouquets in my tree. Maybe it wasn't deliberate, maybe it just fell off (although I don't think so) -- at any rate, the chestnuts made up for it. Breaking off that bark has forced me to expand my program, so if whoever (and maybe it was some really fat delinquent squirrel and not someone with malicious intent) was hoping I'd quit, they are out of luck.


I'm not really sure what this is about. Arboreal potluck after dark? Would a tree use a fork? I don't know. Some things we are not meant to know.


one of the many books I did not buy at the Friends of the Library book sale a couple of weekends ago.

just like a car (friday list)

1. I laugh out loud every single time I see John Malkovitch punch Brad Pitt in the face during television ads for Burn After Reading. Every single time! I don't know why. I'm not sure what it is in particular that makes it so hilarious to me. I'm not one who automatically thinks face punches are funny; I neither hate nor love Brad Pitt. I think maybe because you can see the gum in his mouth? A COMEDY MYSTERY. Or maybe not. Maybe there's a name for what kind of crazy you are if you think it's hilarious to watch John Malkovitch punch Brad Pitt in the face and I just don't know it.


2. I am finally getting my state fair pictures uploaded. Here's one that's even weirder than I remember: this was in the 4-H pavilion, and I believe this girl is fulfilling some requirement by cooking something in front of an audience while in a glassed-in kitchen. (is it bulletproof glass? is it to protect her from heckling?) I think, I HOPE, most of those people are related to her. But maybe they're not! Maybe there's a whole subculture of 4-H cooking requirement fans who travel from fair to fair and judge (as laypersons) how well teens boil pasta. (although looking at the picture I see they're all watching some scandal unfold to the left of the kitchen.) But!!! That's not the weird part I didn't notice until now. That would be the banner hanging to the far right of the picture. I love the regional specificity of two GIANT STUMPS in front of a grove of cherry trees, the rolled up river (Roll On, Columbia, Roll On) and the words "The Power Of." The power of what??? Now I'll never know unless I go trolling flickr for a picture that has the whole banner. I probably won't, so I guess I'll have to make up my own answer. (Cheese? Love? Chainsaws? Applique?)

3. BUSTED: Several weeks ago I was walking at the park and had a fist full of fallen leaves and whatnot (like I do), and one of the park regulars -- the one I call "The Professor" in my head because he is always smoking a pipe -- asked me if I was the one who put the leaves in that tree. (I've been leaving little bouquets in a notch in a tree for almost a year.) I had to confess because he's probably seen me do it and it's kind of silly to deny it when I have a handful of evidence, but I was still reluctant to do so. I said yeah, (I usually have my ipod on when I'm at the park, so I don't get involved in a lot of chitchat), and he said that he enjoyed them very much and further confessed that he was the person who was sticking found feathers in various trees. My reaction was layered (running the whole pleased to pissed spectrum) but has returned to a place of equanimity. I'm glad to know that it brightens someone's day, and as long as I don't have to have daily chats about it, I will survive someone knowing my secret Leaf Leaving identity.

4. I mostly made a Duro Jr. dress yesterday! I still have to do some hemming. It went like my projects always do -- I go from great guns enthusiasm to dead certainty that I have made some error from which I can never recover, then I try it on and it's fine. I even added piping! Now we'll have to see if I actually wear it. (I think I will! It looks fine barelegged, and the fabric I used will go great with my paprika-colored tights when it gets to tights weather, which I'm sure it will sooner than I think.) Maybe I'll take a picture if I get it done today.

5. it is time to replace my ipod, which is 5 years old and has a much diminished battery life. I was all ready to do the smart thing and get a new ipod classic, but damn, those new nanos are ADORABLE! I want one in every color!!! It's so silly. (but the larger capacity nano has almost twice as much memory as my current ipod...) I guess it gives me fodder for a good internal debate. I'll probably get the classic, not because it's the most reasonable choice, but because I will be unable to choose a color.

6. T.Rex Jeepster! I heard this out on my walk the other day, and it's so weird but wonderful. The lyrics range from WTF?! ("just like a car you're pleasing to be hold") to poetic ("you've got the universe reclining in your hair"), but I think the contrast is part of why it's such a great song. (of course he could probably sing the alphabet and it would still be a great song, but whatever.) Here's YouTube to the rescue so that you might decide for yourself:

hypnotist collector

I have been riding this weirdly growing bubble of melancholy of late. I think I figured out the core of it this morning. (I love figuring out the core of it!) The problem goes like this -- I will think that I have a grip on whatever the issue may be, but of course, I don't. Since I think I do, I get more and more agitated by the fact that I'm agitated. (I shouldn't be troubled, I have a grip, after all!) It's a self-feeding cycle of recursive ridiculousness on my part.

In this instance I thought I had things so well in hand, I really knew what was what! Well in hand = Victorian Lady Adventurer who has taken the issue, folded it neatly (like a flag), wrapped it carefully in tissue, put it in a box of just the right size, covered the box with brown paper and tied it with string (either jute or white string, I'm flexible) and filed it appropriately. In my mind, this would be at an establishment which specializes in storing the troubles of Victorian Lady Adventurers. I would hand the box to the clerk (pronounced clark, because of course we're in England) who says "very well, miss" and takes it from me, affixes some sort of cool looking tag with an alpha numeric code stamped on it, and files it somewhere neatly in back. (probably behind cases and cases of mustache wax, since this establishment has to keep a cover (barbershop supplies!) lest the troubles of Victorian Lady Adventurers are used in blackmailing schemes by disgruntled foiled villains.) I'd then turn to my companion and say "we'd best get back to the museum before they open the sarcophagus," and we'd head out of the dim room into the bright day where I would take great pleasure in everything, particularly thwapping people who deserve it (pickpockets, master forgers, etc.) over the head with my parasol. (and then somehow it turns all Mod and I've got a scooter and go-go boots, but I digress.)

But today I realized that I do not have it well in hand. It's not neatly wrapped and labeled behind cases of mustache wax, it's all over the floor! and it isn't something that folds neatly (like a flag) but is instead blobby, difficult to handle and of irregular size (a cross between flubber and Oprah's little red wagon of fat). It has never been contained, but I did throw some newspaper over it so I wouldn't have to look at it. I know this sounds gross and like bad news, but once I figured it out, I felt a lot better. I mean, the trouble's still there, but somehow saying "I see you!" makes it less difficult. I SEE YOU.

And now that I've solved my pressing mental problems, some notes from the park. (where I figured out my pressing mental problem!)
a few things seen today:

+++ crows doing their crow thing. Their crow thing often involves giving me an earful, but I figure it's a friendly earful. ( I can generate quite enough trouble on my own with out having to borrow it from CROWS.) Oh! this reminds me, there is one crow that loves to chase dogs. It's pretty hilarious. The dogs either love it or hate it. The crow doesn't care.

+++ Hummingbird giving the business to a crow. COMEDY GOLD! The butterflies are bigger than the tiny hummingbirds, but the crow was listening. (maybe they were gossiping about the squirrels, or the guy who always leaves 1/4 bottle of fancy microbrew on the end of a tree branch.)

+++ Albino swallowtail butterfly. I'm sure it wasn't really an albino because it had black markings, but instead of being yellowy-orange like they usually are, it was black and white.

+++ kung-fu wallflower -- there was a tall, skinny girl dressed mostly in black, but it wasn't black for chicness or slenderness, but black for maximum invisibility. Nothing flashy, the thing that stood out the most about her was how she barely seemed to be there. I saw her walking on the path, but figured she was just cutting through the park as a shortcut. The next time I saw her she was doing a little stretching, a few minutes later she was slicing up the air with practiced precision. It made me really happy, for some reason.

sweetheart/bitterheart

so much catching up to do!

I know it's almost the weekend again, but here's what I did last weekend, photos where applicable:


this is from the other day -- part of my ongoing park project. It's getting harder and harder to sneak around and do what I need to do because as the weather gets nicer, more people are out and about. I may have to switch from waiting until nobody is around to just pretending that nobody is around.

Friday: 1/2 extremely fabulous day, 1/2 wretched punched in the heart day. Upon reflection, I find I am much more fond of the former than the latter.

Saturday: Beach Day! I went to the coast for the day with my mom and sister. Sometimes an outing is just the thing. Good times were had! Important beach news: My favorite Thai restaurant has moved to a better location, but their food still tastes wonderful.



This was cute -- if you can't read it, it says "We (heart) Your Dog." By the time I walked by it again it was being repurposed for another sand castle, so I was glad I took the picture when I did!



I have to limit what I'll allow myself to pick up when I go to the beach or I end up with too many rocks in my pockets. (really many too many.) Last time it was rocks that had circles (quartz inclusions) that went all the way around. This time, I told myself I would only pick up things that were different colors.



I know it doesn't look like much in this photo, but the sky was actually a very restful blue/greyish color -- but not gloomy grey -- the sun was bright enough to give me a tiny (very tiny!) sunburn. sigh. Okay, not a sunburn. but I swear to you, I could FEEL the sun!


Sunday: I went over to my friend Blondie's house to help her list an apartment on Craigslist. We did that (and got a call within 5 minutes! it's a pretty sweet apartment), but the bulk of the day was spent working on my crazy vintage quilt project. I was typing up the details to post tonight, but I think I'll let them be their own post later on this week. She just redid her guest room as a sewing studio and it looks fantastic. The photo above is of her fabric stash, cotton division. Mine is nowhere near as tidy. (NOWHERE NEAR.)


And now, some random necessities. Since it is the last day (barely) of national poetry month and since I worked at one of the best poetry browsing libraries in the whole system today (that is not Central) and since I love the way he uses punctuation for his own inscrutable purposes (damn The Man and his tyranny of grammar!), here's a poem from E. E. Cummings:

36

but if a living dance upon dead minds
why,it is love;but at the earliest spear
of sun perfectly should disappear
moon's utmost magic,or stones speak or one
name control more incredible splendor than
our merely universe,love's also there:
and being here imprisoned,tortured here
love everywhere exploding maims and blinds
(but surely does not forget,perish,sleep
cannot be photographed,measured,disdains
the trivial labelling of punctual brains...
--Who wields a poem huger than the grave?
from only Whom shall time no refuge keep
though all the weird worlds must be opened?
)Love

(that last line should be all the way at the end, so it's "?" above, and then ")Love" below it and to the right, but the HTML to make it so, like so many other things, is eluding me.)

thwarted, or maybe not

I have had a headache all day, which I lay at the feet of the changing weather. It's been raining off and on all day long, but it's allegedly supposed to be in the 70's tomorrow. The barometer squeezes my head once more! I had a lot of energy and a long list this morning but the energy was diverted headacheward fairly early and the list isn't any shorter. Well, it's a little shorter but it wasn't very fun.

Which brings me to my thwartings. I was all prepped to get my Rant On about how everything I've attempted lately has been a failure, but I realized that simply isn't true. What is true is that I have had to wait longer, or things don't happen in the order I think they should happen, or, and this one can be difficult (but rewarding) for me, sometimes things come completely out of the blue! I'm becoming aware that my timelines are often completely artificial and born of impatience rather than any real sense of rightness. My instincts are usually sound, but my timing is usually off. It's getting better, though. I know it sounds cheesy, but I think watching the seasons change in the park has been a big help. The phrase "in the fullness of time" is resonating more and more. (Not that this keeps me from having flat-out freakouts on a regular basis!) ANYWAY. Most recent example would be yesterday when I went downtown to run what was supposed to be a ridiculously simple errand. Of course that didn't work out, and when I got back to my car... TICKET. My expired tags scofflaw bluff had been called by the meter-maid man! The "failure to display current registration" will cost you. (and I deserve to pay! You scoff the law, you takes yer chances.)

I went home (after two more unsuccessful stops), then decided to go to DEQ and finally get the stupid tags. I expected to wait in a hideous line, so I brought reading material. I expected that they would close before I actually got to the testing bay because it was after 4 when I left home. Well, guess what? not only did I drive almost directly into the testing bay (I barely had time to fill out the paperwork), the test took less than 5 minutes, I didn't have to get out of my car -- and since there was no one else in line (and I was EXPIRED) the test guy told me I could put my tags on right there. Of course I ended up ripping one of the tags in half trying to get it out of the baggie and I can't say I'm too fond of squatting in front of OR behind a car that is running, but I left the DEQ a law abiding citizen once more.

Anyway. The photo of the ticket is one taken with the photo booth program on my computer. Another instance of getting ahead of myself -- I decided to start a self portrait project in feb. which I gave up due to boredom, but now, a couple of months later, the photo booth makes it easy and fun. Hooray!

Here are some spring pictures. Everything is changing so fast!

Allergy season is upon us, but how fun are these tassels? (answer: so mega-fun!)


I love how velvety the petals look. This shrub (I can't remember the name) is a hit with the birds.

oooh, this reminds me: flickr now will allow pro members to upload video. I'm of two minds on this. On the one hand -- isn't this why youtube exists? why do they have to go messing with a good thing? on the other hand -- one of the justifications they used was that they saw the video as an opportunity for "long pictures," which I think is pretty cool. I like the notion of a long picture. There is a 90 second cap on length, and I have to say the whole idea has me thinking about the video setting on my little camera, which I never have before. It's like capturing a moment instead of an instant. Or something. The limitations (90 seconds, my camera's extremely limited video ability) remind me of how much fun I had taking landscape pictures on the polaroid (R.I.P.) iZone camera. So, we'll see. Today I took a tiny video (like, 7 seconds!) of some crows flying. I expect there will be a lot of pretentious amateur "beautiful garbage" ala American Beauty videos on flickr in addition to the cats falling off things and babies eating lemons found on youtube, but so what? There will be some really wonderful things, too.

to: april, re: my telekinetic failures, pink, etc.

Sometimes (okay, a lot of the time) I think it would be REALLY GREAT if I could just accomplish things with only the power of my thoughts. I'm not unreasonable -- I'm perfectly willing to think about the things I'd like to accomplish for up to (although ideally less than) 70% of the time it would actually take me to do them. AND YET this incredibly generous offer remains untaken by whatever power in the world grants mental spoon-bending abilities. (I don't really want to bend spoons -- it's just a figure of speech. I really want to move all my furniture while catching up on my reading.) But no matter! I've decided to take the high road here -- no hard feelings from me, Spoon Bending Authority, despite the fact that I promised I'd only use my powers for good! I can take the hint. (I also thought of a nasty side-effect of telekinesis: the unbidden thought! I don't know about you, but some days around the old brain it's all id/super-ego fight, fight, fight and I can't even imagine what kind of mess that would make were it to manifest directly.) So, OKAY! My pledge for April (which I see as being a very busy but very wonderful month) is that I will stop waiting for my Brain Powers to kick in and just do some of those things I've been meaning to do. I'm actually pretty excited, and have already begun getting things done on april-eve.

Pink in the Park The picture at the top of this post was from a week ago or so -- someone had put these stenciled stickers on one of the gates around the park. Litter? maybe, although I would argue that it's not. Cheerful? Definitely! Speaking of pink, there's a beautiful cherry tree at the park that's in full bloom right now. Pictures do it no justice, because there's just no way to capture how frothy and ephemeral the blossoms are -- they look like they're just floating AROUND the tree rather than being attached. I think you could cure a lot of ills just by standing under this tree. (I think it's how I finally overcame my telekinetic dissapointment.... which gives me a great idea for my new Crackpot Counseling Service. Who's the crackpot? Sign up and find out!) Seriously, though -- it is the kind of beautiful that changes things for the better. I did take a couple of pictures -- the one below is hopelessly blurry, but I like it anyway.