Today I realized - AHA! style - that all of the work I’ve done on the story I’ve been writing (and have been writing, in tandem with another, for several years) is not really the story. What I’ve been doing is developing and discovering: pushing around the characters until they feel like themselves; developing the idea that started it all; discovering new characters and situations. This is not a story yet and I AM FINE WITH THAT. It's a relief to see it as a dot on a line instead of a disappointing terminal point.
The story is coming - I see edges of it - the more I write the closer it gets. I’ve written a lot of words; most of them won’t make it to the end and THAT IS OKAY. I’ve been beating myself up for not being the kind of person who can just whip out an outline and go to town boom boom boom beginning middle end, even though I know this is a dumb, destructive attitude. (My expectations were dumb - if you're a go to town boom boom boom beginning middle end kind of writer, more power to you!) In the immortal words of Ke$ha, We R Who We R. Everyone has to find their own way and sometimes it seems stupid or counterintuitive or not right, but that’s fine. Keep going!
I am so glad that you are not beating yourself up and that you are accepting the way you write-it's a struggle for some, especially when some people can do that go to town boom boom boom thing. But for others the story can only be figured out while it is being written. And, like that one lady said, the rest is still unwritten.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Daniel - I'm glad, too! I was feeling bad, but thought about it and realized it was a dumb thing to feel bad about. Like being sorry for being an introvert instead of an extrovert - it's just the way it is! that being said, I could certainly develop better work habits but that's a different thing.
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