call the dream police: jagger cheats on crosswords

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Thursday, February 01, 2007
Last night the almost-full waxing moon was aggressive, like god was conducting a bed-check or looking for fugitives. It was casting shadows! I could have READ BY IT. This disturbed my slumber and launched me into the land of bizarre dreams. (perhaps I should mention that I'm currently feuding with the full moon -- its very presence aggrieves me. The crescent moon and I were just gossiping a couple of weeks ago about what a goddamn showboat the full moon has become. Every month since our feud began I hope for some cloud cover -- not unreasonable for winter in pdx -- and what do I get? A moon so bright I could perform surgery, or at least shadow puppet surgery. ) You can't always get what you want.

Which brings me to my dream, the summary of which is as follows: Mick Jagger and I were engaged in an epic Dressing For Dinner battle that involved geisha costumes, cheating on crosswords, and a profound wardrobe malfunction. He was remarkably nonplussed by it all. I'm sure it happens to dream Mick Jagger a lot.

Here's how it started: in dream-land my aunt and uncle who live in Florida were throwing some kind of big mexican-themed party and I wanted to wear something nice. No, that's not right. I wanted to wear something fantastic. So, as is the way of things in dreams, I was trying on stuff that should have been great, but was wrong, wrong, wrong. It would be the perfect shape, except when I looked in the mirror it was completely transparent, or it wouldn't wrap around, etc. etc. (I was having boob exposure issues, essentially.) Then somehow, Mick Jagger was there. At first he was just cracking wise about my wardrobe dilemma (strangely, I was not embarrassed by this) and playing with a rubik's cube thing that was all white with black letters -- it looked like a crossword. (He would CHEAT by spelling words one letter off and telling me it was the british spelling. Dream me would have none of it. "Cobler" my ass.) Anyway, I'd leave crossword-cheat dream Mick Jagger to his own devices and go out in search of something appropriate to wear.

At one point I ended up in a room full of cast-iron bathtubs (they were green and had some fancy design pressed into them -- everything was white or green and had that kind of weird neon glowing quality) and met up with a woman I used to work with a long time ago (Martha T.). There were sheets draped over everything and she was mopping the floor. There was a mattress over one of the tubs so I sat on it while I asked her what I should do. She was very practical, but not particularly sympathetic to my Mick Jagger OR wardrobe problem. I remember making a stupid waterbed joke and being embarrassed since even dream me knew she had to have heard that a million times. Anyway, I talked to Martha for a bit and then went back to my room where Mick Jagger had acquired some crazy outfit, which sent me out looking for something better, and so on.

As I was wandering the halls of this houseboat/floating house (you know how dream halls are -- just on and on) and ended up in my aunt's kitchen in florida. None of them were dressing up, but I couldn't back down now because Mick Jagger had goaded me beyond the point of being reasonable. (isn't that always the way?) Anyway... I went back to my room for another attempt at finding the right thing, and there he was in some crazy geisha get-up. I don't know what happened next because Dash the Orange Menace (aka the kitten) jumped on my shoulder and woke me up. He bugs me a lot in the early mornings, but it would seem that this time he thought he had a good reason -- at some point during my sleep he managed to put his favorite mouse cat toy down the front of my tank top! When I stood up it fell out.

The lesson here is clear. I really REALLY need to stop drinking caffeine after 9 like I promised myself post-index card nightmare, or it's time for a satin sleep mask, or I should buy/invent one of those rubik's crossword thingies. Actually the lesson is simpler than that: just as it is foolhardy to start a land war in Asia, never start a costume escalation with dream Mick Jagger. You just can't win.
16 comments on "call the dream police: jagger cheats on crosswords"
  1. Your dreams are so vivid and amazing. Mine are just the usual death and destruction and, oddly enough, grocery shopping. I, myself, enjoy the full moon. However, it makes Erichs' cat more insane/annoying than usual. Which is pretty incredible considering that she has to be the most difficult cat ever. I, just, well, do not enjoy cats all that much and she is always doing the opposite of what I would like. I know that is "normal" for a cat but still. Give me a break already. And American Idol...I am loving it so far. I do not know why people encourage others to show off their lack of skills.

  2. So odd. I just emailed you about the nightmarish dream I had last night. You are right to battle the full and almost full moons. We should joing forces against their influences!

  3. BBD: The full moon and I used to be friends. I'm sure we'll eventually reconcile. After all, my grudge with all of Canada has essentially evaporated and I felt much more strongly about that... Grocery shopping dreams would be scary to me since I don't really care for grocery shopping. When I was in retail I would have these dreams that I was at work, and it felt I'd already worked a full day before I even got there. Bleh. Sorry about the crazy cat.

    I don't watch American Idol! I think it comes on too many nights or something. I would miss my other stories!

    Patty, that is so weird! I am sleeping with a pillow on my head tonight.

  4. Oh you are so lucky! I haven't had any great dreams like this in ages! I love this type of dream because it's so absurd, yet entertaining, and you hate to wake up, because - where were you going next? The celebrity component just adds another dimension to the surrealness. My celebrity dreams seem to involve explicit sexual acts involving slightly past their prime rock stars (I'm looking at you Simon le Bon - who I am not EVEN attracted to like that!) which leave me waking up flushed and embarrassed.

  5. I do not like "normal" dreams, as in it is possible that these things actually happend during "wakey" time. I find them confusing.

  6. Oh, SURE, Anonymous "Dances in the Sand" Tara!!! Admit it -- you love Simon Le Bon for his book club AND his doughy slightly-past-his-prime- rockstar body. hee hee

    What cracks me up the most looking back on it, is that I was so outraged at his puzzle cheating. I mean, come on!!! Geisha costume? Mick Jagger? and what I think of is "that's not a word, even in Britain you CHEATER." hee hee hee.

    BBD: I hear you on the wakey confusing. Being awake is confusing enough without trying to figure out if you really bought coffee, or if you just bought it in your sleep.

  7. YES HE DOES! It's pretty good, actually. He's got nice wide taste, doesn't take himself too seriously and really likes to read which are all good things if you ask me.

  8. I had no idea! I think I love him a bit...

  9. I just reserved one of the books that Simon liked, the one about the World's Fair in Chicago. Now I have 22 items checked out and 5 on reserve. I seriously need to slow my roll...I am trying to read 4 books currently and although I can do it I do get a bit confused when I read at brains should be either bigger or stronger.

  10. Cobler???
    Ha ha ha ha ha!!!
    I loved this post.
    Hope you sleep well tonight!

  11. BBD: I'm glad you found something over at mr. le bon's book club! I think my sister read that book and really liked it.

    leslita: hee hee! I knew you'd understand the gravity of the crossword cheat!! I think we've got some cloud cover tonight, so I should be safe from any moon-related sleep issues. With my luck a meteor will land in the front yard or something, but here's hoping for SLEEP.

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  13. I just reread both the Mick Jagger dream and the index card dream--very entertaining, but also disturbing. I hada good laugh at "coblers" since I used to love to play Scrabble but hate it when people get up to such tricks. I think Dash knew what you were dreaming and wanted to reassure you that your top was modest, with his mouse gift. Such a love...

  14. to add one final comment to SlBs book club...his recap of The Da Vinci Code is priceless (12/03) as is the "foreshadowing" of the book in the 10/03 edition of the reader. He's reviewed several books that have piqued my interest enough to check them out of the MultcoLib (Donna Tartt) and his review of "Jonathon Strange and Mr. Norrell" kept me going when it seemed I would never finish that thing!

  15. Disturbing, Patty?? hmmm. they were weird, but I didn't think disturbing to anyone other than me!(unless, of course, you had an unfortunate run-in with index cards at some point..)

    OMG, Anonymous Tara! I just went over and read those and I laughed so hard I made a honking noise not unlike a Canada goose. Thank god there's no one else around at present. I will have to go find the JS & MN review now. (DaVinci Code is CLASSIC!!)


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