you can't bargain with mapquest or werewolves

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Friday, February 08, 2008
groovy typewriter

what I failed to account for in my bargain-making with the universe regarding coughing and working on wednesday: the hideous unforeseen complication. (I don't know why I'm surprised! Bargaining of this sort rarely turns out like the bargain-maker expects.) I got profoundly lost on my way there and was LATE. It was so horrible! This was a branch I'd never even visited before -- I usually like to get to new-to-me branches at least 5 minutes early so there is time for someone to show me around in case they have me scheduled on the desk in the first hour. It did not work out that way. This branch is way out on the fringe of town and I didn't allow quite enough time. This would have been fine if I'd managed to drive to the right place, BUT NO! I overshot it by MILES. I even looked at a map! (the problem here was I was so sure I knew exactly where it was, I looked at the map and thought "oh, sure! just where I thought" but ... no. It worked out. As it happens, this is a super-casual, super-nice branch (not always the case) and since I'd called in a panic to let them know I was ON MY WAY, it doesn't seem like there will be any permanent consequences. (beyond me feeling really stupid, which I deserve.) It turned out to be a very slow day, which was a good thing. I didn't cough at work at all, although I did spend about half of my time profusely apologizing for getting lost and being late, which was probably more annoying than coughing.

the real reason I watch CNN is because I'm sure one day this will happen: Peter Ames Carlin sums up Super Tuesday viewing . "Lost and confused, I began to think that Wolf Blitzer might really be a wolf. Or at least a werewolf. It's in his beard, and that wild gleam in his eyes. Was it a full moon? If it were, you'd see him hunch, his suit bulging crazily as his body contorted to take on super-lupine strength and form. He'd snarl and spit, and suddenly lunge, hairy forelegs ripping through pin-striped sleeves, soaring across the set and knocking Anderson Cooper onto the floor. The camera would find them on the floor, just as Wolf locked his powerful jaws on his colleague's jugular and bit down, hard, now straining upwards in a shower of anchor blood and gore. A horrifying howl, and then he'd lunge again, off Cooper's still form and toward the edge of the screen, his suit drenched in blood, his tie flapping crazily behind him....and then he'd be gone. Out the door and down to 34th street. Last seen galloping madly up Sixth Avenue, barking and snarling, headed straight for Fox HQ on 49th Street...."

If you're going to call yourself "Wolf Blitzer," a name so unsubtle a professional wrestler wouldn't use it, I think some werewolf jokes are the least you can expect. Anyway, it made me laugh. This blog (the TV blog for The Oregonian) is also a good spot for ruminating/speculating/enjoying Lost. Not least because his reaction to seeing Daniels from The Wire as Matthew Abaddon was also "Hey! it's Cedric Daniels from the Wire!"
5 comments on "you can't bargain with mapquest or werewolves"
  1. I check out the PAC blog on a fairly regular basis. I enjoyed him all those years ago at Wordstock and I adore his delivery, considering that I am able to hear his inflections, thanks to Wordstock, when he writes. I must admit that I have not watched Lost at all this time around. I just don't care. I would love to see Wolf go after Dobbs the nutjob xenophobe!!!

  2. hee hee. The fitting punishment for Dobbs would obviously be el Chupacabra! (Lou Dobbs goes on the Daily Show fairly often and manages to be funny and seemingly not insane, but I suspect it is something he can only maintain for 7 minutes at a time.)

    I am enjoying Lost. There, I admitted it! I know there's a high probability that all the twisty story lines will never be resolved, (or at least many of them may never be resolved), but I really admire them for going OUT THERE with their storytelling. It's like they're on a high wire! It gets crazier and crazier! I think making the deal they made (where they will be on the air in shorter seasons through 2010, and then resolve the story) is one of the smartest and most interesting things I've heard of for a tv series in a long time. If they never knew when it would be over, if it could end at any time, it could lead to a lot of bizarre "everyone is possessed by the devil" soap opera story lines, but this gives them some flexibility AND boundaries. Anyway. I'm enjoying it.

    Woo Hoo Wordstock! That was a fun year.

  3. I like that Lost has an end date to work with as well. It leads me to believe that the writers will then be able to pull most of the threads together, if most of them indeed go together. I think Twin Peaks lost a lot of people when it went so out of control and looked like it would just get crazier, for no reason whatsoever. I, however, stayed with that show as I loved it! So much! I don't have cable so The Daily Show is just a fading memory to me...Right now I am watching Gilmore Girls, season 1. I love it so much.

  4. I loved Twin Peaks too! And that's exactly the kind of thing I was thinking about -- if they had known they would have X number of shows, I think they might have structured it a little differently.

    I should get GG season 1. That's when whatshisname was still on it, before he went off to be on his own show. (Chad Michael Murray! hee hee hee.)

  5. GG season 1 is so fun/sweet/awesome and it sets up the entire series, as a good show should. I have always loved Emily but I find that I love her even more when she shows vulnerabilty and pain. That would usually be a turn-off for me, humanizing and all of that, but it works in this instance.


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