I can't believe I forgot...

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Wednesday, November 15, 2006
This was meant for my TV post below, but I forgot! It is one in my continuing series (starting now) of Brilliant But Misunderstood Ideas.

Okay, here it is -- let's take two of the most irritating capital R Romantic couples in literature, and make them live in a house together for a yet to be determined amount of time. First, we have that fun-loving well-balanced pair, Cathy and Heathcliff from Wuthering Heights. Excellent already, right? I mean, nobody will have to prompt them to chew the scenery. THEN, because you know they'd all get along like a house on fire (and maybe actually SET the house on fire), we add those wacky star-crossed lovers Romeo and Juliet from, well, Romeo and Juliet.

There would be some awkwardness at first, of course, as they meet and settle into their Ikea decorated MTV-style house. The usual tussles over who gets which room, on-screen arguments with the producers over how often Romeo's posse can come over and the problems with the hounds that Heathcliff brought. They can't just chew the furniture like that, you know? What do you mean, you don't know what housebroken means? Drama, drama!

Within the first 72 hours, perhaps over a disagreement about the coffee maker or who loves the most ardently, Heathcliff accidentally smothers Romeo with the brace of dead puppies that he brought from home, ("I only meant to silence the boy..." brood, brood, brood; yeah, yeah, yeah.) Cathy clutches the bodice of her white lawn nightgown before running wild-eyed around the property in proper gothic-lady-in-distress mode. Some lightning would be good. Maybe the house should be in the middle of a lightning farm. Yeah! Juliet drags Romeo outside to mourn his loss where the light is better and gets struck by lightning. She is instantly killed, but Romeo is revived. Heathcliff comes outside to brood or walk the dog or something, Romeo sees him and falls down dead again. Heathcliff shrugs and searches for Cathy. Maybe some wordless crying out to signal his Inner Pain. He finally finds her standing on the edge of a dramatic cliff (the edge of a volcano is just too much, isn't it? what about a dramatic cliff hundreds of yards above a murky lagoon filled with binding weeds and ravenous underwater creatures?), and they are both killed by pianos dropping out of the sky. Really heavy pianos.

the end.
2 comments on "I can't believe I forgot..."
  1. This conglom would make a great illustrated book.

  2. hee hee! Too bad I can only draw stick figures.


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