don't mess with mister in-between

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Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Yesterday was a tragic waste of a beautiful day. I sowed the seeds of my own misery, which makes it WORSE because I can't blame it all on something else. My sister was very astute and diagnosed me with a case of Carb Overload -- I ate nothing all day but leftover pasta and rhubarb crisp. NOTHING. And I wondered why I had no attention span and why even things that normally bring me joy had me squinting my eyes at them suspiciously! If I had been thinking, a little protein would have cleared that right up. OH, WELL. Today is about trying to clear the carbohydrate fog and deal with stuff, not limited to the following:

Problem: Resumes! wouldn't it be nice to fill out a truthful resume? Not that mine is full of lies, but wouldn't it be refreshing for a hiring manager to select a person based on honest statements like: "I can get along with just about anybody for the purposes of work (unless they are a toxic asshole)" or "I do not mind working for someone -- I don't need to be the boss of everything. This does not mean I am lazy" which leads me to "I think the philosophy of "giving 110%" for most jobs is TROUBLED at best (it's like saying for you I will have 11 fingers!), but don't you think the whole work/life culture is skewed if you're asking that kind of commitment of an employee? why not concentrate on getting the most out of the 60% or so (already outrageous) that you're actually paying for?" or "I have a guilty conscience (with no real reason for it -- I'm not hiding any felony convictions from you or anything), big curiosity (I like to know how things work), and an overdeveloped sense of responsibility. I'm a bargain, I swear!" ???
Solution: work on that cover letter.

Problem: Busby keeps bringing slugs in on his fur. It's every bit as gross as it sounds.
Solution: There is no solution! I'm not going to shave the cat and I can't get rid of all the slugs in the world, as much as I'd like to.

Problem: I'm grounded from walking because I have a blister. Why do I have a blister? Because my sneakers died and I didn't notice in time! (they look fine on the outside, but I should know by now that sneakers only last 4 months for me before they are ugly on the inside.) This ugly sneaker phenomenon also explains my mysterious hip muscle pain. When sneakers die I usually start getting pain in my shins or lower leg, but this time (different brand) it was all weird and surprising.
Solution: I have new sneakers! once the blister goes away, I'll be golden.

Problem: my hair. OMG! It is making me crazy. Not poor Britney Spears crazy, but I feel myself becoming more and more understanding of the impulse to shave it all off in a strip mall. (I did try to make an appointment yesterday, but I got voice mail which made me crazier so I hung up.)
Solution: Call back today and make the appointment before I check myself into (and out of, then back into) crazy rehab.


I think The Secret as a commercial entity is cash-generating flim-flam pyramid-scheme bullshit, but I do believe that my thoughts have not inconsiderable power over my experience. Not that I can create things with my mind or anything, but I know that I can whip myself into a negative self-fulfilling prophecy loop when I concentrate on what's WRONG instead of what's RIGHT or even not so bad. With that in mind and since I've spent plenty of time whining, let's give equal time to wonderful things. Here's some current good stuff: Blatant cheer-up songs that I have on my iPod (sometimes I need to have it spelled out for me):

Keep On The Sunny Side -- The Whites: From the O Brother Where Art Thou? soundtrack. This is old-timey and quasi-religious but sometimes it's just what I need. I skip it often, but if I'm in a really black mood I make myself listen. It helps. What I like about it is that it doesn't try to say that things aren't so bad, it just says that the wheel of fortune will turn eventually, and it will get better. "o the storm and its furies rage today/ crushing hope that we cherish so dear/ the cloud and storm will in time pass away/ and the sun will again shine bright and clear" I am far more likely to listen to this than to something that insists that everything is FINE and quit being so dramatic already.

Hang On Little Tomato -- Pink Martini: This one is a bit of a problem since it's about a tomato hanging on until it can be ripe enough to be made into KETCHUP, but aside from that it's really charming and cheering. It has a long old-fashioned summery sounding clarinet introduction, which I like. The message is very on the nose, but when I'm working my way into a black mood sometimes I need to have the obvious pointed out. "just hang on, hang on to the vine/ Stay on, soon you’ll be divine/ If you start to cry, look up to the sky/Something’s coming up ahead/To turn your tears to dew instead"

Ac-Cent-Tchu-Ate The Positive -- Kelly Hogan/ Ella Fitzgerald: In a lovely bit of synchronicity I discovered that this song, which I've been enjoying by Kelly Hogan and Jon Rauhouse for many years, is on the Ella Sings the Harold Arlen Songbook CD that I am enjoying right now! I love both versions, but I think I have to give this one to Kelly, if only because it sounds way dirtier when she sings it. Especially during the gospel-like call to listen at the beginning of the song: "Gather Round me, everybody/ gather round me, while I preach some/ feel a sermon, comin' on me/ the topic will be sin, and that's what I'm again' "... when Kelly sings it, it sounds like it's not so much that she's against sin as RIGHT UP AGAINST IT which makes me laugh even when I'm in a bad mood. They're both great, though. "you've got to bring joy up to the maximum/ bring blues down to the minimum/ have faith, or pandemonium's liable to walk upon the scene" TRUE ENOUGH!

Here Comes The Sun -- the Beatles: In contrast to the brash and cheery advice of the previous song, this one offers gentle hope. "Here comes the sun, here comes the sun/ And I say it's all right /Little darlin' it's been a long cold lonely winter 
/Little darlin' it feels like years since it's been here /Here comes the sun, here comes the sun /And I say it's all right" George says it, and I (sometimes) believe it!

since that's 4 problems and 4 cheer-up songs, let's tip the scale to good things -- here are a couple of links that I have been enjoying:

In case you missed it (as I did) youtube has, at least for now, a link to the Colbert Report's Meta-Free-Phor-All in which Stephen Colbert competes against Sean Penn in a metaphor contest judged by former U.S. Poet Laureate Robert Pinksky. (I about died when they had him plug his latest poem!) hee hee hee! edit: damn! that was fast -- youtube took it down, but you can watch the Meta-Free-Phor-All: Shall I Nail Thee to a Summer's Day match up between Penn and Colbert here in Comedy Central's much clunkier interface. (it's worth it for the Robert Frost trash-talking alone!)

Miranda July (I love her name!) is hit or miss for me (hit more often than miss, though) but I LOVE this website for her new book. You don't have to spend a quadrillion dollars to be effective: No One Belongs Here More Than You
11 comments on "don't mess with mister in-between"
  1. I know all of those songs except for the Pink Martini...I like them sometimes. I hope your 4 problems are solved. This morning, 7am to be exact was so super sunny I was all, "Tuesday I'm in love...". All I've eaten today (so far) is bread and cookies so I can empathize with the squintiness of it all. Oh, I also had some of those lovely Swedish Fish. I LOVE THOSE!!!

  2. I hope you got something to eat other than cookies and bread! (and swedish fish... are those like swedish meatballs?)

    my 4 problems are still with me, but getting better. I think.

  3. I made some chicken for dinner and it was what it was-chicken. I watched GG's and it was a let down. There is not ZIPBANGBOOM between L & L at all. It's a big who cares to me. I think you should get your hair out of the way first. It is the easiest and some say the breeziest...swedish meatballs? You must know what they are. If not you will very soon.

  4. Aw, I thought Lorelei and Luke had some of the old zing back when she was fighting with him about his blood sugar! it seemed very old-school GG screwball fun to me. (I was hoping she'd get a mini-cooper, though!) I was reading somewhere (you know how it is) that someone else (you know how it is) was saying that this episode had a very Wizard of Oz thing going on with Lorelei on her bicycle and the house being crushed. Does that make her the wicked witch? I also knew that as soon as Paris got into every damned school and tortured the confession out of Rory that her career had priority over Logan, that Rory wouldn't get the fellowship. Also because she gets everything, and that gets boring after a while. Anyway, I liked it better than I've liked many recent episodes so I'm feeling generous in general.

    I agree about the haircut! I also failed to get an appointment today (I fail at life!), but I will persevere or... else.

    Are swedish fish made out of jelly? Seriously, the only thing I can think of are pepperidge farm fish, which are cheddar cheese.

  5. Yes, the lovely swedish fish are most usually read and are some sort of chewy candy. You'll love 'em in an instant...maybe GG's did have a Wizardy feel. But yes, that would make Lorelei the wicked witch, which would work considering where she put her ex.

  6. RED!!!! Not ready. Too early to type well.

  7. DAMN! They are RED, not READ! I can't even correct myself correctly the first time.

  8. hee hee hee! So do swedish fish read, is that what you're trying to tell me?

    Anyway.. what do you mean about lorelei's ex? I don't remember flying monkeys or anything, I just remember him being a crazy jealous asshole. But it's been a while since I saw those episodes! More ozzy stuff that I read about on the interbunny: those crazy girls named their apartment Glenda, some people feel lorelei's dress had a witchy look to it. (I think that last one is pretty weak, myself.)

  9. I meant where Lorelei put Christopher after she broke up with was a "blue" joke, I guess. All I meant was that she was wicked for doing IT with C. As far as I know swedish fish do not read but you might meet some next week.

  10. you know, maybe I read it wrong, but naming it Glenda wouldn't tie it together at all since the good witch was named GLINDA. Although maybe they said Glinda. Actually, the whole thing has become a tiresome analogy! A bicycle, a black dress, a broken doll house and a named apartment do not an homage make! (although I just remembered that Sookie said they were taking the house to " a wizard" to fix. BUT STILL! Give me some flying monkeys, some poppies, and.... some munchkins, and then we'll see.)

    they don't read "as far as you know"??? I think you'd better do some testing. Until it is proven otherwise, I am going to assume that they read a lot. I am most anxious to make the acquaintance of your magical reading snack foods!

  11. I don't think that swedish fish can read. But in some alternate reality anything is possible.


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