what the helen of troy is that?

| On
Thursday, May 15, 2008
conundrum: What is going on with Lou Dobbs' teeth? They look like they are carved from a single piece of porcelain. I can't look away, although I can and do mute the sound.

favorite misheard lyric (this week): Swing like a wrecking ball/ with a heart of gold -- from Page France's Chariot. It's actually Swing like a wrecking ball/ like the heart of god. But there's something that appeals to me about a wrecking ball with a heart of GOLD. Like if this wrecking ball is knocking you down, you probably have it coming! it wouldn't do it unless it was really necessary. (now I have completely anthropomorphized this wrecking ball. It feels bad, but wrecking is its business! Maybe it will run away and become a cannon ball for the circus.)

my love for the new five dollar bill: knows no bounds! It's purple with stars!! What's next? I hope Washington and the one dollar bill get made over with unicorns or rainbows or something. Woot! (Hamilton looks dashing as always on the remade ten.)

Speaking of Hamilton... I finally watched Children of Men, which was very good and not at all what I was expecting (future blog post, topic of: The Unreliable Nature of My Expectations). BUT, that's not what this is about! This is about me finally figuring out perfect casting for my exciting imaginary Alexander Hamilton/Sam Cooke crime fighting premium cable project. (which you may or may not remember was a brief obsession of mine Last August.) Anyway, back to this perfect casting: Hamilton: Clive Owen (!!! I KNOW! he could really pull off a powdered wig, and we already know he can play a badass.) Cooke: Chewitel Ejiofor! So perfect I can barely stand it. I really loved him in Talk To Me (and every other thing I've seen him in). He would be so great as Sam Cooke, even if it were in something other than Sam Cooke and Alexander Hamilton fighting crime, breaking hearts, vigorously defending civil rights, singing songs, arranging duels, making sweet sweet love to the ladies (they were both notorious), and of course conducting important (and exciting!) Department of the Treasury business and managing their own musical careers.

picked up on a whim: I was working the other day and Death of a Ladies Man came across my path. I'd never heard it (I know), so I brought it home. I know it's considered to be somewhat controversial, I know that Phil Spector is a maniac, but it was still so not what I was expecting at all! (this is a theme lately.) However, this is exactly the way I like to be surprised. It made me laugh (in a good way, sometimes in an astonished what did he just say?? way, which is one of my favorite things about Leonard Cohen). Plus, dig the cover -- he's looking right through to the back of the viewer's head. Leonard Cohen can probably read thoughts from 50 paces. (maybe he could consult occasionally with Sam Cooke and Alexander Hamiltion.)

Bones: FAT PAM, the stalker??? You've got to be kidding me! There was so much about this episode that was fun (including the totally disgusting body at the beginning) but the whole fat stalker thing made me nuts. It seems like yet another example of this show (which I like a lot) trying to have its cake and eat it too. (cake: fat stalker cliche! but she's not FAT, she's just "slightly overweight." eating it too: "but we will call her 'Fat Pam' because that's what the dead asshole called her.") BAH! What next? Magical Negro? Hooker With a Heart Of Gold? But I still love Sweets, even though it's more and more obvious to me that his purpose is to give Bones and Booth something to be united against. The whole stalker/shooter story felt rushed, but I get the feeling it might have played out over a longer period of time if not for the strike.

May 15: is my mom's birthday. In honor of this, my sister and I are accompanying her on a demented roadtrip to parts of Oregon rarely visited (by me, anyway). I'm expecting to see lots of interesting political signs -- it's a whole different world once you leave the liberal corridor of the Willamette valley. Maybe I'll even get a sunburn! I think I will leave my computer at home. (I know!!) It's only a few days, and the very fact that I am feeling so equivocal about leaving it behind is an argument for not taking it. Feel free to send me hilarious emails to be read upon my return, however!
5 comments on "what the helen of troy is that?"
  1. 'What the helen of troy is that?'

    Sweet jesus. This post could be a banner for why I love to read your blog. I never know what to expect, and I'm always amused. I'm stealing the title of your post as a catchphrase for the rest of this week -- and maybe the next one too.

    Hoo-ha: I love how you transitioned from 'wrecking ball with a heart of gold' at the beginning of your post, to 'hooker with a heart of gold' at the end. I'm not sure why, but there's a punchline there somewhere. I just can't get the bat off my shoulder.

    I'm on a HUGE Leonard Cohen kick right now. It's making me remember the fascination I held for him as a teen when I first saw Pump Up the Volume and Christian Slater stole a Cohen album from his father to soothe the angsty teen masses. And I can't get Famous Blue Raincoat out of my head.

    Damn it, I'm gonna need that book. Library, ho!

    ps. day job + espresso + internet

  2. I hope you have a fun sunburny sort of weekend. Happiest of birthday wishes to the woman that brought us you and R! Also, Bones. I hadn't watched it since October, I think, and I agree. The show is really fun, can be a bit spooky and ooky, so I am not sure why the lowest common denominator is the go to, you know? Happy Oregon!

  3. adam: thank you kindly -- I wrote it REALLY LATE last night and I woke up in a panic that it made no sense at all (I'm still not sure about parts of it). There is a bat on your shoulder!! Don't let it get in your hair! (oh, wait.) Last night I reread and thought "dang, that's a lot of gold hearts in here," but was too tired to do anything with it.

    helen of troy -- ha! yesterday I was listening to a beastie boys/ beatles mashup from a couple of years ago -- Tripper Trouble (Triple Trouble/Daytripper) -- and that line is in there. I cannot get it out of my head! So you can blame/thank Ad-Rock. And don't let me discourage you from going to the library (NEVER!), but the Leonard Cohen thing is a CD. Unless you mean some other book, in which case... carry on! (if you have never read the clap clap piece on the overuse of "Hallelujah" in television montages, you should google that up -- "clap clap hallelujah" will get you there. Good stuff!)

    BBD -- Thank you!! I will wish That Woman a happy birthday, and I hope I have a fun sunburny sort of weekend too. It feels like I'll be gone for a month, but it's really only a couple of days. (which is plenty of time to get sunburnt!)

    Happy Warm Weather Weekend to you!

  4. Oh, helen-of-troy-crap.

    That's a CD of his. I thought it was some book about him. I only know his music from his 'greatest hits' or 'essential' discs. His music tends to be off-the-beaten-path, oddball brilliant, or completely kooky and laughable.

    It's a great post. No panic. No editing! Late night posts often benefit (though not always unfortunately) from the incapacitated critical portion of one's brain.

    But I don't think I'll track down that Cohen disc. Not gonna do it. Bring on Famous Blue Raincoat. And Google, ho!

  5. I think Leonard Cohen is one of those artists best approached in ones own time. (I think this is true of most things, actually.) If you want to listen to Famous Blue Raincoat on repeat to infinity, it's a great song and will hold up! HOWEVER, if you were to listen to one song off of Death of a Ladies Man (and no one is saying that you should), I will say the one that made me go "oh!" and then laugh a lot was Memories. It's very spector, but still indisputably cohen. (he's very funny, in that dry way.) If you still wanted to check out a book from the library, you could get Cohen's own Book of Longing, which is v. good.

    In news unrelated to any of this and addressed to the world at large, my misheard lyric was NOT misheard, they actually do say "you're a wrecking ball/with a heart of gold," just later in the song. Now I can go full steam ahead with my "wrecking ball rolls away to the circus" thoughts and only feel half insane. Hooray!


Klik the button below to show emoticons and the its code
Hide Emoticon
Show Emoticon