The Gap

| On
Wednesday, January 12, 2005
So, I am in major job-search mode again. Working - I have no problem with it! Have I enjoyed my time off? Absolutely. Am I ready to work hard, have some responsibilities outside my personal sphere, and make money once again? Absolutely. Am I really racking my brain to come up with good reasons for my 3 year employment gap? you know it!

Here are some contenders. I'm trying to separate the wheat from the chaff, and it's not as easy as it would seem:
Abducted by aliens: Pros: no real way to check and see if it is true. cons: crazy land
Babies: pro: nobody can really give you shit for taking time off to have babies. con: absolute falsehood. I could get pictures of babies from my cousin, but I really don't think this is maintainable over the long haul.
Time Spent in Nervous Hospital: pro: I can't think of one. con: putative employer will worry that I am headed back to N.H. Also, absolute falsehood.
Writing Novels: pro: true, if only by the most generous description of novel. con: someone may ask to read one.
Sabbatical: pros: sounds vaguely academic, is kind of true. cons: sounds vaguely pompous, and kind of a cop out.

I just don't think they are ready for the truth - that I was abducted by aliens, implanted with alien babies, had to spend time in the nervous hospital to recover, where I wrote my novel (but it is in the alien's language so nobody but my alien babies, and my alien baby daddies (Kang and Kodos) would be able to understand). The truth? They can't handle the truth!
4 comments on "The Gap"
  1. What about prison? A coma? Or, my personal favorite, you could tell them you got lost (for impact, this could be combined with any manner of alien abduction story).

  2. So you are suggesting going with the Bugs Bunny defense? "I knew I should have taken that left turn at Albuquerque!" hee hee

  3. I really like the LOST theory. I could tell people I've been shipwrecked and just now found my way back to civilization. But in the meantime I've been able to work on my computer skills and.. yeah. I guess I will need to work on it some more. That left turn at Albuquerque is sounding better and better! Bugs Bunny - so wise.

  4. I like lost myself, if only for the interviewer's reaction.

    Interviewer: So, tell me what you've been doing for the past few years. How do you account for the gap? Didn't you want to work?
    Applicant: Well, it wasn't so much that I didn't want to as that I couldn't
    Interviewer: You couldn't?
    Applicant: No...Look, I'm just going to give it to you straight - I was lost.
    Interviewer: Lost?
    Applicant: Well, yeah. See, I was vacationing in Albuquerque. Somehow took a wrong turn and ended up in Roswell. Next thing I know, I'm all mixed up. I loose my atlas in a gas station bathroom and can't retrace my steps. I totally wanted to go back, but I couldn't find my way. Then there's that whole blackout period I can't account for, all I know is that ever since I came to, I glow in the dark. Anyhoo, to make a long story short, I guess when they didn't hear from me, they just gave my job to someone else or something. Kinda rude, if you ask me. It's rude even if you don't ask me. That's something you should know about me. I'm a real straight shooter. I'll totally tell you what I think...


Klik the button below to show emoticons and the its code
Hide Emoticon
Show Emoticon